Lost in Thought

L1034298, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Sometimes my father looks very thoughtful. I know (despite his Alzheimers) he has times when he "thinks things over." The other day he told me he was confused, he didn't know where he lives. I feel awful when he says that - what a scary feeling to be lost. I went back the next day - though I don't usually go two days in a row - and he was fine. I wonder if something upset him.

watchful, early september 09

IMG_6130, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Things were bad the evening I took this - about a month ago.  Many residents were restless and an aide was nasty to two different women. My father takes it all in but rarely comments on what goes on. I know it upsets him.

Sometimes it's with dread that I visit my father.   I don't know if the place will smell of soiled diapers.  I don't know if someone will be screaming and others screaming "Shut up."  I don't know if the tv will be blasting with some loud game show in the space everyone gets packed into sometimes.

Friday night services

L1036361, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

My father likes to go to services - and still reads Hebrew, though he's not at all religious. He tried going at the Hebrew Home, but whe was barred because he makes strange growling noises sometimes...people were distracted and complained. I know that people get used to his sounds after a few weeks, but not all the same people showed up each time.  So much for that.  The rabbi is a nice guy - he always stops and says hello when we're sitting in the lobby.

dad walking with a walker - but now in a wheelchair

dad . L1056788.jpg, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

January 30, 2008. My father doesn't use his walker anymore, as far as I can see. When I ask, I'm told he does. But this is probably the last time I saw him use it.

My father's first room at the Hebrew Home

L1051013.jpg
Originally uploaded by Susan NYC

The light is great in my father's room. But the curtains are always closed when I go in. I pull them back. . He has windows facing south, too, perpendicular to this wall. Those curtains, too, are always closed. (They're broken, so my father couldn't open them - he doesn't have the balance to reach up and pull them back.)

And the aides don't put the blue quilt on the bed - it's lightweight and washable, just so he'll have something cozy - so that's another thing I do when I arrive: take the quilt out of the closet and put it on his bed.

I guess they always sleep in the white sheets I see when I go into the room. The rooms are warm, though.

In the summer the rooms are usually warm, but when the air conditioning broke, the rooms were unbelievably hot. I just happened to visit the day after the master air conditioning system broke and went out immediately to buy a big box fan.

The air conditioning was broken for several days. They never informed families, so they could bring fans.

A note: my father's bruises are almost healed. But now he has a sore on his lip. I wonder how often he gets to wash his hands.