Neat - courtesy of Sylvia

IMG_4449, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Sylvia keeps my father's closet neat and tidy.  I used to straighten out his clothing every once in a while, but Sylvia even keeps the hangers facing the same way.  I wonder if my father notices.  He was always neat, organized man, and he took pride in that.

photo: 1/07

my father, napping, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Sometimes I'd go visit my father and he'd be lying on his bed, all snuggly under his blanket or robe, and he'd refuse to move. He seemed to be in a terrible funk. But then on the next visit, he'd be lively and fine.

Now, three years after that picture, I see him behaving the same way.

october 2007

-1043714, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Charlotte looks so cute in a dress....

Here she's finally deciding her great grandfather isn't going to do anything awful. Because of his alzheimer's, he makes strange growling noises, and he roars, especially at Charlotte because he thinks it's funny that she's scared.

Now, 2009, she roars back. It took her a while to get used to him - especially since she sees my father maybe once or twice a year.

My father has always had trouble feeling good about himself -with Charlotte he can exercise power because she's little. That's a mean streak he's had in him for a long time - he did it to me, to my sister, and to my daughter. And now he's got another generation to "scare."

I wonder how he'll be with Nathaniel, whom he hasn't seen yet. He may not have the same dynamic with a boy.

My mother had the upper hand with him, though. He was scared of her.

He enjoys an outing

L1037934 an outing, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

We went to Mt Sinai yesterday for a swallow study and a visit to his "outside" doctor - good field trip. My father usually really enjoys going out.

The swallow study showed that his lungs are clear . He does have swallow problems, but there are things that can be done - change in diet, chin tuck, small bites, etc. Simple enough.

So I've hired a companion who will sit with my father at dinner and take him to the main floor to explore - and he won't have to sit in a row with the other residents, in front of the blasting tv.

They eat dinner at 4:30, so the evening is long.

L1037727 at lunch

L1037727 at lunch, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

My father can't stay awake - at least when I visit...and I got in yesterday by accident, apparently - the floor is on quarantine for upper respiratory infections....but I hadn't been informed.

He's very hungry, losing a lot of weight - they're not feeding him properly. And that, I believe, is why he's so exhausted.

wet sock

IMG_7516, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

This was taken a month ago. For some reason my father's left sock was soaking wet and cold. Nobody was able to explain it, and I'm just glad I discovered it.

I reported it to a few people, and the general consensus was that he spilled something on his foot. (!!??) How he could have a soaking wet sock and nothing wet anywhere else is beyond me. I assume he got wet and they changed everything but that sock.

very tired

L1037678, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

I don't know if my father was more tired than usual or if this was his after-lunch tiredness. He's not eating. The nurse reported that he gained two pounds last week because they had him on supplements. I said I thought it was the three Dunkin Donut milkshakes.

Since he choked on the third milkshake, I haven't brought another - at least until after the swallow test.  I was told that milk was really bad for him because of all the phlegm he has.

Building my father is in at the nursing home

L1030726 nursing home, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

The Hebrew Home is in Riverdale, the Bronx. It's huge. My father lives in this building, which is the one along the main driveway - though all are connected through hallways.

According to the NY State website, they have 560 beds.

He choked on this milkshake

L1036540, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

My father isn't eating correctly. He almost choked to death on the thick milkshake - he was sucking it in and not swallowing, and it was sitting in his mouth and throat and I didn't realize - and suddenly he started choking. He was able to expel it - with great effort and without the Heimlich, fortunately. His bones are so fragile, the Heimlich would break his ribs. I don't know if he's less able to swallow, or forgetting, or what.

He'll be evaluated probably today, probably. The speech pathologist coincidentally was within earshot of the choking and witnessed it all and went back to his floor with us and reported it. We'll see what they recommend. There are some tests that they might want - but I'll talk to his regular (Mt Sinai ) doctor about them. She knows my father - he's been going to that clinic for decades.

Lost in Thought

L1034298, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Sometimes my father looks very thoughtful. I know (despite his Alzheimers) he has times when he "thinks things over." The other day he told me he was confused, he didn't know where he lives. I feel awful when he says that - what a scary feeling to be lost. I went back the next day - though I don't usually go two days in a row - and he was fine. I wonder if something upset him.

watchful, early september 09

IMG_6130, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Things were bad the evening I took this - about a month ago.  Many residents were restless and an aide was nasty to two different women. My father takes it all in but rarely comments on what goes on. I know it upsets him.

Sometimes it's with dread that I visit my father.   I don't know if the place will smell of soiled diapers.  I don't know if someone will be screaming and others screaming "Shut up."  I don't know if the tv will be blasting with some loud game show in the space everyone gets packed into sometimes.

Friday night services

L1036361, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

My father likes to go to services - and still reads Hebrew, though he's not at all religious. He tried going at the Hebrew Home, but whe was barred because he makes strange growling noises sometimes...people were distracted and complained. I know that people get used to his sounds after a few weeks, but not all the same people showed up each time.  So much for that.  The rabbi is a nice guy - he always stops and says hello when we're sitting in the lobby.

Public Areas at the Hebrew Home

The view from this spot is wonderful - the lawn goes down to the Hudson and has major art pieces to look at...and the walls in the lobby floors are filled with fantastic art. And everyone who visits thinks it's a fantastic place because of the public areas.

My father only gets to the lobby floors/public areas when I visit and take him downstairs. Sometimes when we walk there after dinner, we're the only ones in all that great big space. (There are several buildings, and the lobby floors and hallways join all together.)


L1036289, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

My father loves art, so he looks at the photographs and lithographs again and again and really studies them.

In all fairness, some of the residents' floors are lovely - but some are horrible. My father has lived on three different floors.

Paint on his hands - good sign

L1036355 paint on his hands - good sign, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Paint on his hands - my father actually went to the art activity today. Hooray.

They hadn't encouraged him since he wrote "bad words" on a paper and offended some of the staff.  And he won't go to art unless he's encouraged. Once there, he loves it.

reading/not reading

My father looks at the same page for a long time - maybe 15 minutes, maybe longer...and he doesn't take in anything. If I tell him something from the newspaper, he understands. But I think his memory is so shot that he doesn't remember the first part of a sentence by the time he reads the last part.

He loves to have the newspaper. He always read the NY Times from cover to cover. He doesn't look at the date, so one section of the paper can last him for a long time. 

 

L1036292, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Halloween Day 2009

L1036259, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Sometimes the grounds look so attractive - and the lobby is attractive - and people say, "Oh, you're so lucky your father is at the Hebrew Home."

People who visit when "shopping around" are shown only the beautiful places: an art studio, a swimming pool, art collections, library, etc. I have never seen anyone in the swimming pool.


Certainly the people from any of the three floors my father has been on have ever been taken to any of these places. The pretty stuff is for families when they visit.  Do I sound a little bitter? I am.

Thinner than he's been in decades 10/2009

L1036301, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

My father weighs less than he's weighed in many years. He doesn't like the food, and I wonder if they make enough effort to give him things he'll eat. I brought him a chocolate milkshake yesterday, and he gulped down half of it in a minute. I'll bring another today, I guess.

My dad's brain during a pet scan May 2005

My dad's brain during a pet scan today, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

And what's really strange is that this profile is so recognizable...........

I was given a doctor's note when we left - to show to any security people who stopped us on the subway/street - my father would be radioactive for up to 2 days after this test....

Nobody stopped us.

My granddaughter rubbing cocoa butter into dad's feet

rubbing cocoa butter into dad's feet, originally uploaded by Susan NYC.

Taken November 2006: Charlotte was very sweet with my father - I rubbed cocoa butter into one foot, and she offered to do the second. He didn't even sit up today - not feeling well - but the visit was fine. They made animal sounds at each other.

four generations

My father in the center, my daughter and granddaughter to his right, and my ex and his current wife standing behind...My father adores my ex-husband - he really lights up when Gino arrives. Fortunately, he'll go see him every few months.